Gay Bearcub - A glimpse into my life

There's obviously something I must be overlooking in my quest for a partner.

It feels like I do everything right - I'm courteous, polite and well mannered.

I smile a lot when I am talking to guys and do my darnedest to enjoy life to the full.

I'm also friendly and dead easy to get along with.

I have a great sense of humour and am not unnattractive.

So - what am I missing out ????

Well there everybody, I am back again after some 8 weeks absence.

I felt I just couldn't find anything of interest to write about during that time without sounding boring as hell - so I decided to give it a rest for a while.

I have probably lost my readership during this timescale due to being gone for so long.

Biggest reason I am back is that I need the therapy this medium offers me as a form of oulet for what is in my mind.

Life's had its ups and downs in equal measure of late, but on reflection I wouldn't change any of it.

You will however, see a deeper side to me as I lay bare my my innermost thoughts and feelings on here, andat times question my very existence.

That's it for now, but the next entry will be along real soon.

Down Down Deeper and Down

Sorry guys, but this bearcub has been far from happy this last few days!

"Men....Bastards....one and the same lately. Surprised? Moi? How many V's in Bovvered?"

Both the planned furry fun times did not occur - I'm not surprised - I am a realist. It's to be expected in these "sex as shopping" days of the 21st century. Off the cuff messages from a complete stranger on "Knob Net" wanting to meet on the night they're in town on business - Pah! - even off of Eurowoof - Mr Cantmakeadecisionastowhereandwhen - Timewasters.com

Oh well - their loss.

People tend to just "like" me and that's that. Something I gotta deal with....

A cuddle would be most welcome, just a man to hold me tight and tell me it's going to be alright. A play?

Maybe even love....asking too much?

Clearly.

I had a very interesting phonecall yesterday from the local Neighbourhood Nuisance team, who wanted to come and talk to me about recent events involving the little scote Ryan, who has been infecting the estate just with his very existence!

They showed mugshots so as to identify him and took a full statement about recent events off of both myself, Mike and other residents too. It seems there has been a huge case being built up against this little vermin and it grows by the day! The recent trouble at mine has been just the icing on the cake!

In short they are 100% certain that when he appears in court on 3rd February they will have an ASBO in place that will effectively bar him from setting foot on the close or even approaching myself or Mike for starters.

RESULT!!! (hopefully)

I have, over the last couple of days, for the first time this month really started to feel really blue.

I don't know if it's the change of lifestyle, but I think it's more likely the recent youth problem taking its toll. It's definitely left me feeling a little unsettled.

Anyway I won't whinge on for the moment -I need perking up. (...and it doesn't make for a good read)

I may have the chance to meet up with somebody tonight for a little fun and also on Thursday !! At least that might take my mind off of things

16th - 22nd January 2006

As this week was a scheduled paint and repair by the Housing Association, my college and work life had to go on hold as the workmen needed access to the window frames - (being a ground floor tenant I wasn't going out to work with the windows open!)

So, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday were kind of 'in limbo' days where I didn't really get out much and just got on with housey stuff, in the daytime and had a couple of evening meals at Mikes just for a change of scene.

Had a brief respite from my week of exile though on Wednesday when I finally got to meet up with another friend of mine, Graham - who I had up until now only spoken to on the phone for hours on end since November!!

Later on I met up with Dave when he'd finished work and went for a meal with him and a few drinkies.

Friday (20th) as you might know from earlier blog entries at the time was my night of hell - but earlier that day I had spent a lovely afternoon in the company of a cuddly bear that I live close to, Fletch.

The rest of the weekend was, again, for the most part a non-event as Friday night had soured the expectations of another night out at Legends. Although on Sunday I had a long chat on the phone with another new potential pal - Ian, then went to see Fletch for part of the afternoon.

14th January 2006

..and I enjoyed it immensely!

I've not really been one for the club scene since I've been here, but a change is as good as a rest - so they say!

My friend John was back from his trip to Mexico, so it was a dual purpose evening out for me. A chance to catch up on all that had been occurring since we last met up as well as my first club night.

It was so great to meet up with John again and he was really impressed with the change in me on all fronts. I do like him a lot - we really do get on well as mates. So I spent a pleasant hour or so with him in Taurus, then left for the Outpost (John was going to follow along later and catch up with me again there).

I was a little apprehensive walking into the Outpost alone (for the 1st time) but after the initial awkwardness found a nice place to sit and watch people pass by. Over all it was quite friendly. I had some nice conversations with the guys there. By this time John had come in so we had a quick drink and went to Legends.

I really did enjoy it. I didn't get paralytic drunk or anything but had enough to feel nicely fuzzy. It was quite a serendipitous night - I met a few more of the faces from Eurowoof and a couple from Gaydar all of whom I had spoken too for some time previously but as yet, had never met.

I stayed until virtually the end, enjoyed many admiring glances and little chats and some great music. Then I walked to Mikes where I was crashing for the night (only took 45 mins which wasn't bad)

You'll be pleased to know that last Fridays' events are now behind me(thank God).

All has been quiet here since then. On Saturday evening one of the neighbours -Billy, who happens to be the local drug dealer (strictly small time stuff I hasten to add)- called around for a chat.

Seems that Ryan had made the unwise decision to have been verbally abusive towards Billys girlfriend on the same evening that everything kicked off.

Now, whatever diverse circles we all may move in, it's generally verbatum that you do not in any way antagonise the local hardman's nearest and dearest!

In short, Billy gave me his word that this spawn of Satan would be "dealt with".

That's good enough for me!!

Please note - I don't hold with violence of any kind - but sometimes when the law can't get you justice there may just be someone who can.

Be assured though that it will be no more than an extreme wake up call for the lad and he will still be able to walk.

If not in a straight line

Here it is folks - the final instalment of this unbelievable and somewhat alarming trilogy

About 10 mins later, after Mike had come round to see me, he was on the phone to the people who installed the gates telling them what their fuckwit workmen had done.

I was next door checking with one of the other neighbours whether they'd not got keys either, and guess who was walking up the courtyard with his minions - yep - the premier twat of the estate, Ryan!

I went in and told Mike they were on their way back up. Then we went to see what was occurring. Sure enough he was trying out the keys that "he" had stolen earlier on other gates. He was abusive to the poor old bloke next door when challenged as to what he was up to.

Mike decided that enough was enough and walked up to Ryan and said "come on I'll have those keys please they're not your property" to which several expletives were spewed out from his festering little mouth.

All the time, giving it the verbal and goading at Mike to "come and have a go then", equally all the time backing along the courtyard as Mike confidently and calmly carried on advancing towards him demanding that if he would not get off the estate then the police would be called in.

Then it all went NUCLEAR!!

The little drug fucked abortion of a child started to get violently verbally and physically abusive. He was totally off his face on dope and booze.

He threw his bottle of alcoholic drink at Mike drenching him and spitting at him an threatening to get us both killed by his "uncle Pete", now totally in our faces.

By this time his little hangers on had scarpered to be replaced by 4 older lads who began to try dragging him back from us to get him off the estate, at the same time I was already on the 999 call to the police.

Mike decided to head back in and as he turned the little shite wipe broke away from the lads who were dragging him off and launched himself at Mike kicking the back of his leg above the knee.

Obviously disgusted by his behaviour towards Mike, rather than support him one of the older lads started laying into him, pulling him to the ground and engaging in a full on fist fight and bawling insults!!!

At no time did any of his "mates" take his side, and at various points during the fight they individually came up and apologised for what was happening.

We walked back to towards my porchway to await the police and the guys from the gate company (they'd been called out to come and remove the lock so that it couldn't be used).

Ryan then somehow managed to break away from them again and had found a broken chair seat and ran up threatening to "do" Mike yet again and it almost made contact with his head. His mates tried pulling him away from us yet again, and we shut the gate (pity we couldn't lock it really).

He still came back for more!!! Throwing himself at the gate yelling abuse and threatening our lives yet again, spat at us both before finally being dragged off the courtyard for the last time that night.

The police took a very long time to respond considering it was an urgent 999, but did turn up some time later.

The upshot is that Ryan has been charged under the umbrella crime of affray - encompassing assault,theft,threatening behaviour,criminal damage, and was carted off to spend a night in the cells.

Apparently his own father didn't want to know and told the police to take him

The lock was removed and currently I am without any form of security ouside the flat.

...Part 1 was just the backdrop, the most shocking bit is still to come...

I got back home at around 9pm after having one of the most wonderful afternoons I have had in months, and having stopped off to get a bit of supper.

The gate was unlocked as expected, so far so good - I got into the flat and looked on the mat for the keys. There were no keys!

I was somewhat annoyed as you might expect. So I phoned Mike to tell him about it whilst I was eating my supper. Then I heard my gate open! (bearing in mind it was still currently unlocked)

Three verminous little Mings had let themselves in - bold as you like and were about to settle on the bins for smoke and drink! - Well I lost it then - put the phone down and I threw open the door and told them to "piss off". The younger two had already run from the gateway and just the mouth on a stick (Ryan) remained defiantly in the porchway "No, you piss off - you gay twat!" he responded. I bolted through the door and went to slam the gate behind him saying "Fuck off you little wank" as he followed his friends down the close.

I went back inside to resume my conversation with Mike and tell him what had just occurred. I thought to myself this isn't over yet......hmmm....